You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
