I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize