i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
