honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
