p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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