Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
