Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to calm my uterus...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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