i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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