Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
