I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
