oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
