I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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