Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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