Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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