I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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