She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
