my vag is so smooth its legendary
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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