I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
