It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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