Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
