there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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