Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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