ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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