so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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