I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
