@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
