I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
