Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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