i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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