Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
