I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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