She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone came in the potted fern
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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