Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize