My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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