i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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