Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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