Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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