**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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