I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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