Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
false alarm. still invincible.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no you cant smoke seaweed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
is that a dick in a sweater?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
