I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
