Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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