I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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