I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
