I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
