you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
