somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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