I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
