I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
