So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I need to calm my uterus...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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