He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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