the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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