I'm lost and stupid without you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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