So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
