around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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