wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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