There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this boner is exhausting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
