they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
