Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
