4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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