I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
