you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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